wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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