What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
