People with herpes should wear stickers.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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