I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
