I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
