Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
