She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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