but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
