matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
