Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
operation have a gay friend backfired
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
