The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I still have a little drunk in my system
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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