highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just googled if crying burns calories
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
