I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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