Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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