I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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