i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
