Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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