we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
