"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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