my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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