I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
