Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
