After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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