She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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