hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
