Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
