Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
