he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
