Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
