So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
