his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
