dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
