Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
