I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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