so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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