omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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