You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
