He asked me if I "almost moaned"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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