mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
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