when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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