I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
