don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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