Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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