Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
