I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
50% drunk capacity currently
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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