i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
