singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
