In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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