the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
