I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
