....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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