You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
