i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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