Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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